Having trouble getting your spouse or partner to do a single chore? You might be surprised by how many people complain about the limited number of activities their partner willingly does around the house. This brief discussion will introduce you to the most effective ways to get more than a begrudging one-off chore out of your significant other.
What’s in a Chore?
When you share a house with a romantic partner or a spouse there is a lot of negotiation and cooperation that comes with the territory. One of the major tips for getting someone to keep on top of their list of duties is to let them do the ones they like the best. So, if your partner says they prefer to take care of the vacuuming in the house, be sure to trade off on something that they may not like, but that you enjoy. If your partner hates taking clothing to the dry cleaners, ask him to rake the leaves instead.
In Praise of a Chore
It may be extremely annoying to contemplate, but if someone does a chore and receives praise or compliments for it, they are more likely to continually repeat that pattern. So, if your husband tackles that pile of laundry (even if he has jammed everything – including your whites – into a single load) be sure to thank him and resist any urge to pick apart his approach to the task. This will bump up the likelihood that he’ll do it again in the near future and will eventually learn the proper way.
In Complaint of the Chores
If praise and cooperation are failing to get your partner to do even a single chore around the house, it is probably time to bust out the complaints. Do this with a bit of care because it is actually a two-phase process. The first phase takes a “non-emotional” position about the matter and has you itemizing the things that are “falling through the cracks.”
Point out that it may be due to busy schedules or personal preferences (after all, you may prefer a spotless house while a partner may not notice a mountain of dirt in the middle of the living room).
When Nagging is Allowed
If this is not working, move on to the next approach. That’s right! You have official permission to nag! In fact, we’d call it extreme nagging because you will need to do it often and whenever you notice that something remains undone for too long.
Did you both agree that the other would do the laundry? Is that laundry sitting in the hamper after a full week has passed? Isn’t it their job to do the laundry? Isn’t the weekend almost over? What will they do for socks tomorrow morning? What about a clean towel for their shower? Well, if they had just done the laundry, they’d have their favorite shirt for the gym!
Whatever it takes to make the person tackle the chore is going to have to be said, and said a lot. Use this tactic only as an absolute last resort. Once they actually do their duty, remember to cease all nagging or commentary. Thank them for the work and leave it at that. If you persist in such nagging behavior, it becomes a habit and leads to resentment.
If your partner stops doing all chores as soon as you stop nagging, it’s time to have a serious talk.
Finally, if all else fails, just hire someone to stand in for your partner. A professional housekeeper will cost you both dearly, and this may force your partner to ‘shape up or ship out’ in order to take care of their own best financial interests.
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