One of the messiest things we can encounter in life is the relationship break up. Being in a relationship is great, and being in love is even better when it’s with the right person.
However, even the best person may still not be “the one” for you, or worse, you could be in an abusive or damaging relationship. Hence the sad day comes when you’ll be ready to break up with them and move on.
When you are in love, you see that all things are possible; but if the relationship is heading in the wrong direction and you see no turning back, you need to end it.
Sometimes (often more than we want), the one you are in a relationship with will change in some small but vital way, and you’ll realize that she is not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. You need to learn to pull your heart out of its comfort zone and face the hard truth. When a break up becomes absolutely necessary, you have to man up and discuss the real situation with your girl. Breaking up with the girl who has your heart is hard to do, so here are some tips how to go about it and how you can survive after.
Think it over and be sure. You may want to break up with her after a huge fight, which is a completely normal emotion, but think it through logically, if you are able to. Or maybe you’re tired of being in a long distance relationship, and being so far away from each other, so you want to break up and start again. Again, to feel that way is expected, but be careful not to jump on those emotions quickly. Think it over thoroughly before deciding to break up. See the bigger picture and don’t make permanent decisions when you are in a temporary emotional state.
Remember too that when hurtful words are said, there is no way to take them back. Before saying you need to break up, be sure that the relationship is completely over for you before you say something you may end up regretting.
Tell it to her face-to-face. There is no greater insult than to get dumped over the phone, or worst, through a text message or email. It is belittling to her, and an insult to the many days, months or even years you have spent together. It will reflect poorly on your personality, and word of your cowardly method of dumping may even spread and make your mutual friends think badly of you.
Do expect her to be emotional in the break up, and she may even react in a dramatic way; just come prepared and brace yourself for the worst possible reaction you can imagine. If you do this simple mental exercise of ‘imagining the worse’, then it’s unlikely her real reaction will be as bad as your imagined reaction. After all, you are telling her that you basically don’t want to have a relationship with her. When delivering a very difficult message to anyone, don’t expect them to take it lightly and with a smile. Just be prepared and you’ll do just fine.
Only tell the truth. It is important to remain objective during a break up and don’t make things worse than they are by lying. Saying you have met someone else on an online dating site, or even lying and claiming to have slept with someone else just to drive her away is a sure-fire way to break her heart on top of the further insult of dumping her.
Don’t make up stories, just tell her what your real reasons are and what you see is not working in the relationship. If you are open for giving her a second shot in making things work, then tell her that too. But if you have decided to break up with her – no second chances, no excuses – then tell this to her and be firm. Be sure of your decision and don’t ever let her hang with false hope. Some guys would say things like, “maybe we can hang out some time after this” or “maybe we can still be friends,” but rather than softening the blow, it gives false comfort. It will only make the girl feel worse and the break up much harder for her.
Distance yourself. This becomes necessary after a break up, but is the hardest tip to follow, especially if you share the same circle of friends, or if you are in the same workplace. Still, both of you must try. Keep the no contact rule, even if the urge to call and check up on each other is very tempting. Don’t snoop around her social media networks after the break up either. If you still love her you will just upset yourself, and if you don’t then you’ll just upset her.
If you genuinely just want to see how she is doing, ask her friends casually, but don’t make a big fuss. Leaving comments on her Facebook or Twitter pages – or worse, on her new boyfriend’s pages – can be misinterpreted as a sign that you are still interested in her, or worse, you comments may be seen as a passive-aggressive threat. Even if you comments are bland or super-friendly, be aware that you are doing the human equivalent of a dog marking it’s territory. It’s true! You may be doing it subconsciously, but your comment is an intrusion into her life and a (maybe unwelcome) reminder that you are still ‘out there’ and watching her every move. If you comment a lot, you may make her feel very uncomfortable and may end up deleted or banned from her social media pages.
There is no easy way to break up a relationship. It takes wisdom and courage to face such a difficult situation. Just remember that there is no reason to keep a broken relationship, so once you know it is time to break up, do so gently and with kindness. The sooner you do, the sooner you can grow as an individual and find the right person to share your future with.