How to Cope With the Loss of a Loved One

I lost my grandmother about three months ago, very suddenly.  I often thought of her as one of my closest friends and confidants.  Losing her was the hardest thing I have ever had to face.  There isn’t much to help ease the pain besides time, but there are some things that did help me to cope with the situation.

1.  Feel the depth of your emotions.

Cry if it makes you feel better.  Be angry if you need to release anger.  Allow yourself to fully feel whatever it is that you’re feeling.  I didn’t want to cry because it was exhausting and I felt weak, but I had to cry.  I had to reach that point of emotional exhaustion.  I had to allow my family to cry too, and we had to allow ourselves to comfort each other.  Repression is just delaying the inevitable.  It hurts and it’s hard, but it’s important to feel and explore those emotions.

2.  Process the situation.

When you can, take some time to be silent.  Quiet the chaotic confusion and consider what you’re afraid of, what you miss or regret, and why it hurts.  You may or may not find the answers to these questions.  It’s hard at first to understand the gravity of what is happening, but if you can start to process the information separate from your emotions, you may begin to understand why you’re responding and reacting the way you are.

3.  Share.

Being around my family was difficult because they was a constant reminder of the woman we had lost.  But through that loss, I learned so much about the life my grandmother lived.  I found that when I allowed myself to listen to the stories of my aunts and uncles and cousins, I could hear and relate to the struggle they were also facing.  Share the burden with those that love you, but also share your stories and memories with each other.

4.  Write.

The first night that she was in the hospital, I wrote to her.  I knew that it was unlikely she would ever see my letter, but I had things that I needed to express, and that I needed her to know.  I told her that I wasn’t ready for her to leave and that I didn’t know who I was going to call and get encouragement from when I’m going to a job interview.  I told her that I couldn’t wrap my head around the situation and couldn’t believe that it was her in that room, in that hospital bed.  I verbalized my disbelief and my fears in a way that allowed me to release them.  Write a letter, journal, or pray.  Find a way to say whatever it is that you need to say.

5.  Honor their life.

My grandmother gave speeches.  She wrote newsletters.  She encouraged people and she loved people.  Everyone who knew her presumed they were her “closest friend”.  The best way that I know to honor the life of my grandmother is to use the talents that I have in a way that loves and encourages people, by sharing my story and sharing my struggles.  Find a way to honor the life that was lost, in the life you still have yet to live.

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