How To Deal With a Difficult Mother in Law

The term “monster-in-law” has grown to be more than just a Jennifer Lopez movie.  For a lot of wives, this has become a reality — an everyday situation.  While some women are fortunate to have a loving and caring mom-in-law, more women often have a tumultuous relationship with his mom.  It’s true that when you marry your guy, you also marry into the family.  With that said, it is ever important that you establish a good relationship with your husband’s family.  As much as you don’t want it, his mom becomes a part of your family, too.  In this sense, spending a few bucks on her at the florists on special occasions such as Mother’s Day is always a good tip!

 

Women complain when their husband’s mom becomes too domineering with their son’s marital affairs.  Some moms can become too engaged and involved in their son’s marriage, more so when the couple begin having children.  The messy case of the wife versus his mom often leaves the husband caught in the middle, straining either the marriage or the relationship between him and his mother.  So if you are the wife, what should you do?  How would you deal with his mom?  Here are a few tips all women can use when trying to deal with his mom.

 

Tip 1: Understand Your Relationship with His Mom 

Define the situation and work from there.  If his mom is overly domineering, maybe you can look into the reason why she acts like this.  Perhaps she thinks you are not the kind of wife her son deserves to have, or that you cannot run the household like she would.  If you can, talk to his mom first and pray that she listens.  If not, prove your worth through your actions.  Take care of your man and the kids if you have any.  Make her change her mind by showing her you are worthy of her son. 

Tip 2: Develop a Relationship with His Mom


Get to know his mom.  It pays to know his mom, because she too becomes your extended mother.  You may have a better understanding of her ways if you begin to know who she really is as a person, a mother and a woman.  This way you also know how you should act around her.  In return, she will see your efforts in knowing her, and she too might see you in a more positive light.

 

Tip 3: Respect His Mom

 

Respect his mom.  Respect begets respect, as they say.  In order to win the heart of his mom, learn to respect her being your husband’s mom and the grandmother to your children.  Be sure to listen if she has suggestions, demands or requests.  Do not shut her out when she gets in your way.  Instead, listen to her side of things and her reasons, and then respectfully tell her your side.  Just like her, you are a wife and a mom, and you have your ways that may be different from hers, but are not necessarily wrong.  Remember that if you treat his mom with disrespect, your husband and children may subconsciously lose respect in you.

 

Tip 4: Communicate with His Mom

 

Communication is key.  You need to learn how to choose your words well when you are around his mom.  It’s often not what you say, but how you say it.  Visiting the candy shop and throwing a box of chocolates at her once a year for Christmas just isn’t enough. Communicate your needs and establish reasonable boundaries with your mother in law. This is not disrespectful in itself, it is simply the way you communicate.  Talk to his mom in a manner that you would want your own husband to treat your mom.  The perfect way of showing your love for your husband is the relationship you develop with his family.

His mom versus you?  This doesn’t always have to be the case.  Handling a difficult mother-in-law is manageable, as long as you are open to make some adjustments yourself.  She is his mom, and will always be, so it will benefit all of you to make your relationship with her work.  Remember that family is everything, so do what you can and hope for the best. 

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