How to End Conflicts With a Co Worker

When you gather a group of disparate people together, such as in a job setting, you are always going to run the risk of some type of conflict.  It is something that is hard to avoid, and if you find that you and a co-worker are having personal problems that run beyond your job, you will want to do something to end it before it escalates and puts both of your jobs in jeopardy.

Bring it Out in the Open – in Private

The first thing that you will want to do is talk with the coworker with whom you are having the problem.  You don’t want it to feel like a confrontation, so you need to approach openly and with a friendly demeanor.  Make sure that the conversation is private; otherwise, the coworker might feel as though you are ambushing him or her and putting them on the spot.

Be Specific Without Blaming

Do not dance around the problem, but do not be rude.  You want to be specific about the problem without laying blame.  Ask questions openly, but do not do it in a way that makes it seem as though you are demanding answers or an apology.  Get to the crux of the problem right away and let your co-worker know that you want to resolve the issue without involving a supervisor. 

Chances are, your co-worker has been thinking about the problem too, and this gives both of you the opportunity to talk rationally.  If you’re gentle, but honest, it’ll make your coworker put their guard down and feel much more comfortable with talking.

When to Involve Your Manager

There is a good chance that the whole thing was a misunderstanding and that you and your coworker can resolve it easily.  If the problem is something deeper, ask if you think the two of you will be able to work it out on your own.  If you find that your coworker is not willing to talk, is belligerent or threatening, or stealing of any kind is involved, it is time to involve a Supervisor or Manager.

How to Talk to Your Manager About the Problem

To begin, write your Manager or boss an email calmly detailing the problem (without pointing fingers or demanding action) and politely request a short meeting with him or her to discuss the problem and seek a peaceful solution.  When you meet, discuss the problem with regards to how it is affecting your performance at work or the business as a whole.  Saying “Sarah’s micromanagement makes our meetings overrun by thirty minutes a day” is better and more professional than saying ‘Sarah keeps on nit-picking my work and stealing my Post-It notes, and it’s making me crazy!” 

Gather Some Concrete Numbers

Another good tactic is to get some numbers for your boss, such as (in the example above) how many minutes of work are being missed per month due to the other person’s long meetings, or how many hours of work you are losing a week when you have to run to the office supply store as your co-worker is constantly thieving your Post-It sticky notes.  After all, your Manager or boss is concerned with the company’s bottom line, and will take more prompt action if he or she sees how the other person’s actions are threatening company productivity.