How to Get on With Your Boyfriend’s Children

Children have an even harder time dealing with a new relationship than adults do.  If your boyfriend already has children, you’ll need to make some accommodations to make sure that you get off on the right foot with them.  Children like to make up their own minds about people and can be very resistant to being ‘told’ that they have to get used to someone and like them.  It make take some time before they start forming a solid relationship with you, but there are some steps you can take to help smooth over the process.

 

First and foremost, don’t force the children to get to know you.  Let them come around on their own terms.  Younger children are generally more open minded toward meeting new people than older children are, so be ready for this. 

 

To begin with, let your boyfriend introduce you to his children, and if they seem a bit standoffish, make sure that they know it’s fine for them to be nervous of you and that they have plenty of time to get to know you.  Don’t try to bribe them with gifts and don’t act aggressively friendly with them.  The idea that their father has a new woman in his life is a big adjustment for children, and showing that you respect their fears will go a long way toward making a good impression on them and your boyfriend.

 

One good tip to help your boyfriend’s children get to know you is by showing off a special skill that you have that is of interest to children.  This will bring them out of themselves, and make them curious about the new skill and (indirectly) about you.  Here are some examples of ‘Special Skills’ you can hint at or show off after a few dates that may make children warm up to you:

 

– If they love dogs, bring around your own pet dog.  This is a great ice-breaker.

– If you have an unusual or ‘cool’ pet such as a lizard or parrot, why not bring the animal around and show it off after a few dates? (check with their mother first that they’re not scared of the animal!)

– Can you draw or paint? Offer to draw a picture for them.  Alternatively, show them a fun picture you drew, and teach them how to draw like you.

– Do you have a talent for creative writing?  Write them a special story featuring them as the star (younger children only).  Read it to them before bed and you’re sure to be a hit.

– Can you make balloon animals or do fun face painting? Give them a demonstration.

– Can you do magic tricks?  Work one of two into your meetings with them and make them wonder ‘how you did it.’

 

Do any of the above (or anything else you can think of) in the most natural way you can think of.  Don’t force them to give you any approval or expect anything back in return, and you may find that you soon break the ice without being pushy about it.

 

With time, your boyfriend’s children should come to accept you.  They will see just how happy their father is around you, and will grow accustomed to your presence.  Remember that the children already have a mother, and that they’re probably not looking for you to replace her; they may only become offended if you try.  Start off by being their friend, and you’ll find the transition is easier than you think.

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