How to Introduce Your Girlfriend to Your Mom

When I was in eighth grade, I was involved in a car accident that left me nearly paralyzed from the waist down.  Fourteen broken bones and two years of physical therapy later, I was back on my feet again.  It’s safe to assume that moment was the scariest of my life.  But you would be wrong – by a long shot.  By far the most frightening time of my life is when I introduced my girlfriend to my mother. 

 

Most men have the same fear.  If you’re like me, you want to be as prepared as possible before having your girlfriend and mother meet.  When your partner and mother get along, life can be bliss.  You get nurtured and cared for by both.  There is no shortage of love, or food for that matter.  This is how most men envision their future.  Most men are wrong. 


Mom Vs The New Girlfriend: the Eternal Struggle

 

Your mother has a special place for you in her heart.  She has loved you unconditionally since you were born, protected you when you were scared and comforted you when you were lonely.  Her instincts are to protect you from the dangerous world.  Sometimes those instincts involve your love life.  You know she wants the best for you, but oftentimes your picture of the kind of girlfriend you want does not match up to the kind of woman she thinks you need.

 

Your girlfriend is on the flip side of the coin.  She wants you to protect her rather than the other way around.  In her eyes, she is the best thing out there for you, and she thinks that she knows how to make you happy and comfort you, despite the fact that (very often) she’s only known you for a matter of weeks or months.  If your mother dislikes her, this may threaten her cozy little picture of the pair of you having a future together.

 

Such a fine line between the two relationships results in a breeding ground for conflict.  When one steps on another’s perceived boundaries, the other can feel threatened or jealous.  And who is stuck between this perpetual tug-of-war for your attention?  That’s right, you. 

 

When worse comes to worst, you may be forced to choose between the two.  Unless you have the finances to move to Mexico for an extended period of time, be aware that your mother will almost always win.


How to Peacefully Introduce the Two

 

Before introducing your girlfriend to your mother, keep in mind all of these potential issues. Understand the roles both of the women play in your life and try not to show favoritism to one or the other.

 

You should talk to each person individually before the introduction.  You love them both and hopefully they reciprocate those feelings.  Let your mother know that she raised you to make good decisions and you have taken it upon yourself to choose a lovely lady.  Ask her to trust your judgments. 

 

Give your girlfriend a head’s up about your mom, too.   Help her out a little bit.  Does your mom love compliments?  Does she appreciate a woman with formality and manors, or does she prefer someone who is more casual and direct?  Perhaps she has some hobbies or other interests that your girlfriend shares?  Although you shouldn’t make your girlfriend ‘suck up’ to your mom, it is a good idea for you to both flatter her a little bit. 

 

A nice idea that can never hurt is to stop off at the florists or gas station on the way to your mother’s house, and pick out a bunch of flowers for your girlfriend to give you mom upon meeting.  That will start things off with a smile if nothing else.


The Bottom Line

 

If this is the first time the two of them are meeting, then you probably have not been going out with your girlfriend for very long.  If this is the case, then you should cater more towards your mother’s feelings.  She will always be your mom, whereas girlfriends may come and go. 

 

The point should be to eliminate the possibility of conflict while encouraging both of them to get to know one another.  They both care about you so should be willing to make you happy by connecting with one another.  The dynamics of your relationship will dictate how you can move forward, and if successful, you can be on the greener side of the fence.

 

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