How to Spot a Controlling Partner in Your Relationship

Finding yourself stuck in a relationship with a controlling partner can be difficult.  Many times, you may not even recognize the signs of a relationship like this until things get really bad.  After having grown accustomed to the manipulation of your partner, it may take you time and advice from friends to realize there may be a problem.  Situations like this can lead to big problems down the road, so it’s important to know the warning signs so you can protect yourself.

If you feel uneasy about the way your partner frequently seems to manipulate you, the first thing you’ll want to examine your relationship for red flags.  Since this type of control can be subtle, it may take an outside party to clue you in to the reality of your situation.  

Power games are one symptom of a controlling partner.  Controlling partners will manipulate you on what to wear, where to go, who to hang out with and just how much you should make them a priority.  Ask your family and friends what they think of your partner, and if they have any concerns.  Such a person will constantly manipulate your emotions, and may insult you, call you names or snub you if you wake any decision without them.  They may mock you for constantly ‘making the wrong choice’, and constantly wave signs of their own success in front of you, in the form of a flashy car, high-society friends, or a large bank account.

Violence, whether implied or actual, is a huge red flag in your relationship.  Shoving, hitting, or simply threatening to do so is not something you should tolerate in any situation and it’s a sure sign your relationship is in big trouble.  Being in a relationships should never mean having to put up with being threatened by your partner. 

Emotional blackmail is a more subtle form of abuse, but it can be just as damaging.  If your partner constantly tries to make you feel bad in order to get their own way, this is emotional abuse.  They may try to get your sympathy by feigning an injury, whether real or made-up, physical or mental, and say that you are to blame for this injury or upset through your ‘selfish’ actions.  Or they may claim that you caused them to miss a meeting, cancel a party, or in some way bring bad luck down upon you both by your independent actions. 

They may may also retaliate against you making your own decisions by cutting you off from something that is important to you – whether that be a gift they promised you, a visit from a friend, or even just a night out.  They may never relate the two events out loud in any kind of obvious way, but it will be very clear that you are being ‘punished’ for whatever they thing you did to them.  This is a very immature and potentially dangerous kind of emotional abuser.

Anytime your partner wants you to cut out your family and friends is another indication of a controlling partner.  When they don’t want to share your affections, your relationship is not healthy. 

A personal councilor may be a great way to help you examine your relationship for problems.  You (and your partner) may then need to see a relationship/ marriage councilor or even a qualified psychologist in order to fix the underlying problems that may surface during your initial sessions.  By recognizing the signs of manipulation and control, you can find your way to help heal or (if all else fails) get rid of your controlling partner, and give yourself the chance to have the healthy partnership you deserve.