How to Support an Infertile Woman on Mother’s Day

For women who are struggling with infertility, Mother’s Day can be a difficult day to endure.  Many women dealing with this challenge will not voice their emotions about being childless, and may simply suffer in silence through the Mother’s day commercials, in-store displays and the deluge of ads relating to the occasion.  Many people in this situation may feel awkward around their childless friend on Mother’s Day, but by imagining yourself in your friend’s situation, you will be able to provide the support she needs to get through the day.

If your friend has gone through fertility procedures and has taken all measures to become pregnant, but is still childless, she may be experiencing depression, anger, grief, and even envy as she observes her friends around her having children without much effort.  As a result, she may feel a sense of isolation from those around her.  Take some time to consider what she would most appreciate when experiencing these difficult emotions.

On the week of Mother’s Day, as advertisements for the occasion are everywhere, don’t forget to take out time for your friend.  Offer to take her out for lunch, to a spa, to see a funny movie (ideally one that’s not about being a mother!), or even for a beach day.  Keep it fun and light-hearted and focus on building and strengthening your friendship.  Make sure you make provisions for your own kids (if you have children) so you won’t have to leave early to pick your child up for an after-school event or party, which will make your friend feel worse.

While your friend may not bring up the difficulties she is having with being childless, you might broach the subject yourself so that she knows you are there for her and are willing to listen.  Talking about the emotions that she’s struggling with can be comforting.  What a childless mom might need most is for someone to listen to her during this difficult time, but don’t feel like you have to center the day around the subject.  Just touching on the subject lightly and then moving on will let her know you care about her and are considerate of her emotions.  If she wants to talk more she’ll probably come back to the subject later.

On Mother’s Day, give her a call and talk about anything but your own children.  Keep your tone lighthearted and upbeat, don’t treat her like she is someone who you feel sorry for, as she’ll hate that.  Especially on a day which magnifies the fact that she is childless, your friend will benefit from her friends reaching out to her so that she doesn’t feel so isolated.  Of course as it is Mother’s day you’ll no doubt want to spend most of the day with your own family, but end the call by making plans with her to do something the next day, which will give her something to focus on and so will cheer her up.