How to Tell if the Object of Your Desires is Single

Every relationship is a balancing act.  To an extent, you want to hide your intentions from the other person, yet still drop some hints to keep him or her interested.  Relationships all start at the flirting stage which can be even more of a tightrope.  You want to come off as interesting but not too eager, charismatic but not too forthright.  Understanding the subtle cues when flirting takes experience but once you have a good grasp of how to approach your crush, you can hopefully get them interested in you.


One of the most difficult parts of flirting is how to find out if they’re in a relationship.  He or she may just think you two are having a friendly conversation rather than flirting.  Breaking that wall puts you out there in a vulnerable state and can make things awkward.


It’s easier for girls to have conversations with guys who are already in a relationship because, well they have big egos that need to be stroked.  Flirting with them is a compliment, not a harassment.  However, when guys flirt with girls in a relationship, they can come off as irritating and even threatening.  Rather than asking your crush if they are in a relationship and exposing your intentions, there are more effective ways to finding out if he or she is taken. 

Step 1: Learn to Recognize Flirting Behavior


First, be receptive and learn to recognize flirting.  If your crush is interested in you, unless they are particularly shy, he or she will start giving you non-verbal clues.  Is the conversation going well – do they ask open ended questions and seem genuinely interested in your responses?  Is he or she smiling constantly?  Nervous?  Pay attention to the way he or she is talking to you – people in relationships are usually not interested in flirting with the opposite sex.  However you need to learn to distinguish flirting from causal conversation.

Step 2: Tune Into Their Body language


Next, pay attention to their body language.  See if they are pushing the physical boundaries between you two.  Does she touch your leg when talking, has he tried touching your hand or brushing away your hair?  Any type of physical connection is a good sign of flirting.  However, some people are just naturally outgoing or obsessive about lint-picking.


On the other end of the spectrum, if the person is shy, they may not respond well to flirting – so don’t assume they are automatically in a relationship.


Step 3: Gear Your Conversation Around to More Personal Topics


During the conversation you can talk about subjects that will cue you into their current love life.  You can ask what they did last weekend or what their plans are for the upcoming future.  Based on the answer, you can get a clearer picture.  You can ask about a movie they recently saw, or a restaurant they visited. These are typical dates for people in relationships, so if it’s been a long time since they’ve done either one or they seem to only go out with friends, then most likely they are single.


Step 4: Come Clean if You Are in a Relationship


Most people in a good relationship will set the record straight near the beginning of a conversation.  For example, whenever I meet a new girl, I always mention my girlfriend as a matter of course.  If he or she doesn’t bring up their boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s safe to assume they are single, so approach the conversation as if they are.  Don’t worry about offending them, most people – unless they have an engagement ring – assume others to think they are single.


The easiest way to find out if someone is single is to ask.  Do it in a nonchalant manner so you don’t appear too eager.  Asking someone if they are in a relationship is a legitimate question that they probably receive a few times a week.  That way, you can be certain your crush is single.


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