How to Tell Love From Lust in a Relationship

Love is an awe inspiring, revitalizing, and exciting emotion.  It opens our eyes to things we may have taken for granted before.  When you’re in love, the sky looks bluer, the birds sing more sweetly, and everything in your life is better when your love is with you.  Lust has the similar qualities.  It is thrilling and stimulating, and just like love, it puts the rose-tinted blinders on us and makes us do some pretty stupid things. 

 

Most relationships have lust, few have love.  If you are ready to take the next step in yours, learn how to tell love from lust.


All About Lust

 

First let’s talk about lust.  Many people see lust in a negative light.  However, without it people would have a hard time falling in love.  Lust is a biological attraction to the opposite (or sometimes same) sex based on hormonal release.  We see a girl in a tight dress or a man lifting weights at the gym and our bodies react physically.  No connection or communication is necessary to feel lust for someone.  Lust is probably the only reason most men get up in the morning.  If not, they would have no reason to work.

 

A common sign of lust is immediate sexual attraction.  When you lust for your partner you get caught up in your feelings and listen to your emotions over logic.

 

Jealously, spite, self-doubt, cynicism, fear, anxiety, and bitterness are signs of lust as well.  These are all primal emotions that arise when you have not built a foundation of trust and respect in your relationship.  When you build a relationship upon lust, you have no framework of logic.  When he or she goes out, you automatically worry that they may cheat on you or disrespect you. 

 

Pure lust without a solid foundation of love usually results in a predominately physical relationship, often with intense jealousy and insecurity over the status of the relationship.  If you lack any intellectual or emotional connection, then there is no substance holding you two together.  When one person’s fears get the better of them, that is usually when a relationship built on lust will take a nosedive.

 

Lust is a selfish emotion.  Your body wants to be satisfied: your urges need to be fulfilled.  That’s why lust is so hard to contain or deny.  It is a like a thirst that needs to be quenched with little or no consideration for your partner or (often) those around you.  Lust is also the reason that most people cheat.


All You Need is Love

 

On the other hand, love comes from deeper selfless emotions: sacrifice, reverence, admiration, devotion, and appreciation.  When you love someone, you want what’s best for them, not yourself.  You go out of your way to do little things for them just to see them smile.  You enjoy your partner’s happiness for its own sake, not because you want soemthing in return.  Your intentions are genuine and humble.

 

There are many scientifically recognized stages of love – you cannot just fall in or out of it with the snap of a finger.  Unconditional love is the most advanced form.  This is where true sacrifice is made and is usually only between a parent and their child, or lifelong monogamous marriages.  It is possible to unconditionally love your partner, but understand that it takes experience and time to develop. 

 

How Do I Know if I’m in Love or Just in Lust?

 

In order to truly love someone, you must know their true character.  This means spending time with them in various situations to see how they act and react to different circumstances.  Sometimes it may take years before you find you truly know someone, because it takes us that long to fully let down our guard.  And even then the other person may still surprise you, for the better or the worse. 

 

If you find you love someone less when you see them display facets of their character you dislike, and you wish to change some or all of their personality traits, then it is likely that your love for them will not last.

 

If you’ve only been dating a few weeks, most likely you are not in love (although it may feel that way).  You are simply in lust.  However, you can cultivate love out of lust by maintaining the virtues of love – kindness, trust, acceptance, faithfulness and devotion.  Once you love another person, you usually know it.  If you have any doubts or questions, then you may be just lusting.

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