How to Be Late and Get Away With it

Ever since the high school days of my youth, I’ve been practicing the art of tardiness. Now, one could easily possess chronic tardiness, but getting away with it on a daily basis is where it turns into an art.

 

Sometimes, being constantly late is more difficult and requires more energy than being on time. If you find yourself in this situation and dread waking up early just to show up on time, there are a few tricks I’ve developed over the years that I’d like to share with you….

 

Have a Late Boss

 

The easiest way to be late for work is to have a boss that is also chronically late. Not sure if your boss is often late? Now is the time to start studying your opponent.

 

This is like a well-crafted poker game because you really have to study your boss’s habits.  More often than not, people have a pattern to their schedules. For instance, my old boss never came in early after weekends, and rarely came in at all on Fridays.  In order to play this game, take a month and record the exact time when your boss comes in. Look at your records and search for patterns. 

 

Remember, like a poker game, it is always a gamble, and you will lose a hand eventually.  However, if your boss is consistently late, you have much less risk of getting caught.

 

Don’t Pick a Cliched Excuse

 

No matter what situation you’re in, it’s always important to have a myriad of excuses lined up. Never say the obvious: flat tire, food poisoning, or worst of all, running out of gas. Even if these are all true, your boss won’t believe it, or at best, he’ll be suspicious if you are constantly getting food poisoning.

 

Excuses, Excuses

 

Good excuses are specific and individual: “My Aunt Rebeca came from Bermuda this morning and the flight was delayed because of a storm. My mom was going to pick her up but had to leave for a church event Upstate.”  “My cousin’s rotator cuff got injured when he swung off the monkey bars at Grove Park. I had to follow the ambulance to the hospital to make sure he got there safely.”

 

Reap What You Sow

 

Getting your boss involved in the conversation is even better. Plant the seeds of your excuse early and then just wait for them to pay off later.

 

For instance, a day or two before your planned Epic Snooze, ask innocently: “What’s the name of that tropical storm near Florida?” Boss: “Oh, Storm Wendy, I heard it on the news. That’s where your Aunt Rebeca is flying in, yes?”  Even better, have another employee plant a comment. Then on the day, your boss will likely tell the office about your tardiness, which is when your friend should say something along the lines of “Oh, really? My brother was going to fly out today too, but his flight got pushed back until tomorrow because of Storm Wendy.”  You have just gained credibility to your excuse.


Ask in Advance – But Not Too Often

 

If you know you’re going to be late in advance, have a pre-planned excuse lined up. To your boss, you will be asking for permission, which is a sign of respect. The two things that work the best are doctor’s appointments and court dates. With both, you legally don’t have to disclose any information, and you automatically are backed by authority. Be sure not to use this excise too often. If you are constantly ‘at the doctor’, you boss may get suspicious and ask for an actual doctor’s note.


Sneaky Sneaky!

 

If your boss is rarely in the office and relies on time cards to keep tabs on everyone, you have a great head-start in the ‘late’ game.  Simply have a co-worker punch in for you, or if you are tech-savvy enough, you can change the timer on the machine. 


Cite Cultural Preferences

 

Some people absolutely refuse to come in on time, and don’t want to ever worry about having to do so. There is another option that could work under the right circumstances. In many other countries, especially South America and the Pacific Islands, people are very relaxed.  Everything starts at least an hour late – it’s just their culture.  If you are tired of having to be on time, consider a move (or a long visit) to a more relaxed culture.

 

Change Your Company Culture

 

Your company has a specific culture, too. Some companies may be very relaxed when it comes to lunch hour or sick days. Others may have strict rules. Let’s face it, most people, even your boss, would prefer to come in later. Rules are put into place because of productivity – but they can be changed.

 

Now, if you feel your office could be just as productive and not have a strict opening time, you may be able to slowly change the company culture. To do this, try having breakfast with your boss a couple times a week before work and stroll in late – with your boss.  Eventually, it may become a habit and you can skip the breakfast and just come in late, while your boss finds someone else to have his accustomed breakfast with.

 

If your work is too strict of an environment, hit up a career center and find yourself a new vocation.  After all, nobody on their death bed ever said, “Gee, I wish I’d spent more time in the office!”

 

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