How to Tell Whether Someone is Lying to You

While we might all wish that friendships and romantic relationships were 100 percent honest, that is rarely the case.  Knowing how to tell when someone is lying to you can help ensure that you know the truth about that friend or lover.  How do you tell when someone is lying without resorting to a professional lie detector test, though?

Nervous Gestures

One sign that someone is lying to you is that they won’t look you in the eye when speaking.  They might also fidget, look away at the door or act nervous while talking to you.  Touching the face is a big giveaway – it’s as though their body wants to cover their mouth to stop the lies coming out – at the last moment, their hand touches or rubs their face (typically near their mouth) instead in a vain attempt to stop their deceitful words.

Accusations of Lying Directed at you

If the person to whom you are speaking accuses you of lying or being deceptive when you haven’t been, it can be a sign that they are lying, instead.  Another sign of a lie is that the person cannot keep their story consistent from one telling to another.  Finally, if the person you are speaking with simply refuses to answer questions, gets overly angry, or evades giving full answers, it’s possible that they are trying to hide something from you.

Why People Lie

If you find that someone is lying to you, your first instinct will probably be to get angry and suspicious.  However, try to understand why the person lied – not all lies are told to inflict harm.  Everyone tells white lies from time to time, so try to see the lie from a positive perspective.  The person may have been trying to save you or themselves from cost, effort or harm. 

Is Your Own Behavior the Cause?

Sometimes, a person might lie because they are afraid you will be angry, or that the truth will hurt you.  If you are the type of person who gets angry when the truth is not what you want it to be, it can be quite natural for others to begin lying to you to avoid your anger and the uncomfortable situations this may cause.  This is most often seen in the case of a child lying to a parent – they are not doing so necessarily to be deceitful or ‘get one over’ on you – they are simply afraid of your anger, and are lying to protect themselves from your wrath. 

In this case, reassess your behavior by yourself or with the aid of a behavioral therapist, and try to establish a more relaxed and open communication with your friends and children in future.