How to Deal With Stalkers on Facebook

Facebook is a very popular social network and offers you great ways to stay in touch with friends, family and coworkers.  However, at times it can be too much of a good thing.  If everyone can see everything you do in your life, from daily (or hourly!) status updates, uploaded personal pictures, and messages to friends visible for the whole world to see, it can be very easy for a casual acquaintance or even a complete stranger to feel like they know you better than they do – and to want more.

So what do you do when Facebook friends become stalkers?  How can you combat virtual stalking if you don’t know why a person is stalking you?  Actually, there are some things that you can do here that are well within your moral and legal rights.

First, you need to know what stalking on Facebook actually looks like.  If there is someone who ‘Likes’ every single comment you make, writes too-flattering or gushing comments on a large number of pictures of you in your albums, or who instantly comments on your every post to a point where it starts to unnerve you, then chances are good that you have a Facebook stalker.

Having determined who this person is, you need to try to respond to the stalker in a reasoned, graduated way.  The best thing to do is slowly distance yourself from a Facebook stalker by not responding to any of their comments or messages.  You might also send a friendly ‘joking’ message to the person like, "Hey, did you know that you’re the only person sending me hourly messages?  Honestly, it’s hard for me to deal with.  Can you post just once per day?  Thanks!"  That might be all it takes to turn your Facebook stalker into just another friend.

You might also try deleting all the comments that the person makes on your Facebook, especially if they are of an intimate or too-flirty nature.  Often, the person will take the hint and leave you alone.  If this still doesn’t work, you should consider firmly telling the person to stop their behavior.  Send them a FB message and explain that you’re flattered by their attention, but it is making you (or your boyfriend or girlfriend if you have one) feel very uncomfortable.  You can tell them that you’d like to be friends, but if they keep up their behavior, you’ll have no choice but to delete them as a FB friend. This does not mean "flaming" them or being hateful, but be very firm. 

One warning – if you choose the above route, keep your message short, businesslike and simple, two or three lines at most.  Don’t go into depth or reveal personal details about yourself that they do not already know.  They may see a long email as encouragement or ‘proof’ that you have feelings for them, and may respond in kind by writing you a long email back about THEIR life… which you’ll then have to reply to.  Don’t get tricked into having a long personal conversation on any topic, as once things escalate to that point, they have succeeded in establishing a personal relationship with you – even if all your responses are all negative.  

Finally, you might have to block them on Facebook if they simply will not leave you alone.  You can do this through your Facebook interface, and it’s a relatively simple procedure.  Just go into your account settings, select Privacy options, and add the person’s user name or email to your Blocked or Restricted list.  This it the most drastic option, but often the only way to get your stalker out of your life.