Top 5 Bad Relationships to Avoid

We’ve all been there: struck at the sight of another person as you first meet them.  Enamored by their presence and wit, and the tantalizing thought that you’ve found love at first sight.  The atmosphere is warm and the mood is soft, and you get that electrifying sensation in the pit of your stomach – a balance between anxiousness and excitement. 

A few months later you are waist deep in a polar relationship filled with conflict, mistrust, and regret.  And you wonder: where is that perfect person who once captivated your heart?

When people let their emotions dictate their relationship choices, they tend to put on the ‘love blinders’ and ignore potential hazards.  A rational approach would have easily uncovered potential pitfalls.  However, the beating of our heart tends to drown out any logic.

Here are the top five bad relationships you should avoid.

1. Shallow Relationships

These are the type of relationships that are based on superficial qualities: physical attraction, status, money, or ego.  Shallow relationships are usually founded on lust rather than love.   Think trophy wives, cougars, boy toys, and sugar daddys. 

Getting into a shallow relationship may satisfy your short-term needs, but because your togetherness is founded on destructive principles, eventually, the relationship will crumble.  This usually happens sooner than later and will leave you feeling used or neglected, or both.

2. Friends With Benefits

They say that men and women can never be truly friends, because sex always gets in the way.  This is true.  In a man’s mind (and speaking as one), he could potentially maintain a purely physical relationship with someone without ever becoming too emotionally attached.  This is because men are genetically programmed to ‘spread their seed’ to as many individuals as possible, despite thousands of years of human culture that has decreed than lifelong monogamy between humans is both normal and natural (it isn’t, which is why many of us find it so hard).

Women are hardwired differently and have a hard time separating sex from feelings, for a different but equally real real biological reason.  If they wind up in bed with a man, despite their best intentions to stay ‘just friends,’ their bodies are still biologically primed to believe that they will become pregnant after sex. 

During sex, female hormones are triggered that create an emotional bond with the man, making a woman feel a very strong attachment to any man they sleep with.  In the past, they would need this bond because that man would then protect them while they were pregnant and help rear the child.  These feelings are very intense, and are not necessarily something they can control or keep a handle on, regardless of what they say.

Being ‘friends with benefits’ may seem like a good idea on paper, but in practice it can and usually will destroy whatever friendship you had, and leave at least one person hurt.  At the very least it will make things uncomfortable between you, and may even stir up arguments when one ‘friend’ meets a new partner and wants to end the agreement.  It is also a perfect way to get STDs, as each party is free to have sex with anyone they desire.

3. “The Future Will be Better” Relationship

Listen to your mother when she says you can never change a man.  You can’t, so don’t try.  The same holds true for women.  Despite your effort, the only way a person will change is if they are internally motivated – if they want to change.

A healthy relationship will always be focused on the present.  Don’t judge the current state of your relationship based on your view of the future.  If he or she is not making effort now to rectify any problems, then they are not likely to do so later.  Unless there is a special circumstance like college, family problems, work, or kids, then don’t expect people to suddenly makeover their personalities once tomorrow comes. 

4. Destructive or Abusive

Destructive relationships are typified by abuse.  Whether emotional, verbal, or physical, any type of abusive relationship is damaging to you and your partner.  Seek professional help from a helpline or a domestic violence councillor if you feel threatened or afraid of being physically harmed by your partner.

Self-destructive relationships can be less severe.  If you are staying in a bad relationship because you are afraid to be alone, if you don’t want to hurt your partner, or for any reason besides true love and connection, then you could potentially be in a self-destructive relationship. 

Relationships should be fulfilling, gratifying, and enjoyable.  If you have to make excuses to stay with the person, or are constantly trying to find ways to justify the relationship (both to yourself and others) then you could be doing more harm to both of you than good.

5. Opposites Attract

On some level, opposites can attract.  Men and women are complete opposites and we work well (most of the time) together.  If one person is talkative and the other is a listener, then you can have a thriving relationship.

By opposites here I mean opposing life styles and long term goals.  If you are a thrill seeker adventurer, it would be very difficult to establish a long term relationship with someone who prefers to stay indoors reading all day.  Your partner may want to settle down and have kids, where you have no desire to live a typical life. 

Long term goals can come from religious affiliation or even political views.  In this case, the sooner you talk to your partner and decide whether or not your relationship is sustainable, the better.