How to Argue the Healthy Way in a Relationship

Couples argue all of the time.  Whether you’ve been dating for a few months or you’ve been married for 40 years, you can be sure that you are going to argue from time to time.  You should not let this worry you too much.  Since all couples argue, it can’t be too bad for the relationship.  In fact, many couples believe that the occasional argument can actually strengthen their bond and let them know more about their mate.


However, when you argue, you need to make sure that you do it in a healthy and productive way.  Too many couples have destructive habits when they argue, which relationship therapists agree almost always lead to bitterness and even divorce. 


Argue to Heal, Never to Hurt


To start with, even if it seems hard, you need to go into the argument with a clear head and with good intentions.  You want to change things for the better and get to the bottom of a problem.  If your only reason for starting the argument is to make the other person suffer, you will both wind up losing.  You will only make them upset and mad at you, and more determined that ever to ‘win’ the argument.  Nothing will be accomplished and the bad feelings in your relationship will only get worse.


Don’t Resort to Name-Calling


What should you avoid when you argue?  Couples should never resort to name calling.  Even though they are only words, they hurt, and you can never truly take them back.  You should also avoid casting blame onto your significant other and take responsibility for your mistakes when it’s due.  When you argue with these goals in mind, you will have happier outcomes without throwing around hurtful comments. 


See Things From Their Perspective


Look at the situation from his or her point of view.  What are they seeing about the situation that is different?  Ask for an honest answer from the person.  You might see that you weren’t as right as you thought you were. 


Admit it When You’re Wrong


If this is the case and you were indeed wrong, suck it up and apologize.  If you can’t bring yourself to do that, simply list all the things you did or said wrong and admit that you should not have done or said those things.  That is as good as an apology and will help the other person to step away from being defensive.  This can swiftly cool things off.


When you argue in a healthy way, you will have a stronger and happier relationship where honesty and trust are the core values.  This will help you to avoid more arguments about the same thing in the future.

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